Leaving Daddy to one side however, Mommy’s type A persona is having a bit of a shocker right now. Reason being that I am now fully mobile and can go wherever the wind takes me (as long as there is no obstacle greater than one feet tall, that is) and grab, pull and throw around whatever comes my way. Also, I have recently discovered that spoons, although fun to play with and drop on the floor, are in fact completely redundant inventions. To me, using a spoon for feeding purposes makes as much sense as wearing a bra at a wet t-shirt contest; sometimes the kit stops being useful and starts getting in the way of the fun... And lastly, I have yet to come across an item of any kind which I could not identify within 5 seconds after putting it into my mouth. It’s about as foolproof as betting on Donald Trump having a bad hair day.
So where does this leave us? Well, basically in a Type A person’s messy and unhygienic personal hell… My days are spent dragging myself military style from one place to another and putting anything I can get my hands on into my mouth. Furniture? Check. Daddy’s old slippers? Check. Dog’s chewy toys? Delicious. Dog’s paws? Well he keeps getting away from me, but one day I will manage to get a taste of those too… It’s all new and exciting and although some things taste better than others, one can’t be too sure it tastes awful until one tries it… And just because you’ve tasted one CD cover (yes, we’re that kind of family that isn’t yet completely “Spotified”), it doesn’t mean you’ve tasted them all.
Hence, if Mommy isn’t busy wiping me, my high chair or the floor free from messy baby food, she’s busy clearing up my path of drooled destruction as I work myself from one tasty corner of our home to the next and mopping up all of the dog’s shed fur as I go along. It’s funny, because no matter how hard she tries to keep the floors clean, by the time I’ve made it from the living room to the kitchen, I always end up looking like something out of Narnia… And that’s the biggest paradox of them all. Mommy may be working herself into a frenzy with her three different types of vacuum cleaners, but her chances of keeping dust and dog hairs out of my way are about as slim as getting “Goopy” Gwyneth Paltrow to stop believing that she is in fact “incredibly close to the common woman”.
Last time I checked, if you want a spotless, mess free, show room for a home; don’t get a dog and definitely DON’T have a baby… And as for Gwynnie; most normal people don’t bulk buy three digit costing t-shirts, they don’t name their children after fruit and they definitely don’t consciously uncouple themselves through a divorce. But hey, what do I know? It’s not like my heart has ever skipped a beat when passing a flowering zucchini plant in a garden… Thank you Gwyneth for always reminding us to #keepitreal !