The other day, however, Mommy had an epiphany. It happen just after one of our little rows which, given that Daddy happened to be around, almost inevitably spilled over into a much larger and much uglier row between the two of them instead. To summarize: Baby cries, mommy gets stressed, daddy tries to lighten the mood by cracking a joke, baby does not see the funny side and cries even more. Mommy gets even more stressed and now also annoyed with daddy who doesn’t understand what the fuss is all about. Mommy tries to explain whilst soothing crying baby and pretty soon there you go. All hell’s broke loose and Bob’s your uncle.
But back to Mommy’s epiphany. Perhaps it was her bad conscience for having let rip on Daddy again and here’s what she realized: Being a Mommy isn’t the biggest challenge. Not even being a good Mommy is the biggest challenge. No, being a good Mommy AND a good wife – now THAT’s the Mount Everest a woman has to climb. And her theory goes something like this:
Attention, patience and energy are all finite resources. And in terms of priorities of who gets what and when, you can throw Darwin right out the window together with your full diaper bin. For, in case of baby versus man –mommy, thinking that she’s being a good mommy, will always prioritise the weaker of the two. Understandably to most, even Daddy in fact, as long as the baby really is a baby and thus essentially pretty helpless.
BUT, is this really sustainable in the long run? Of course not. And usually not even in the short run. And hence Mommy’s dilemma: When do you have to prioritise being a good wife over a good mommy? And are the two really mutually exclusive? Furthermore, does being a good mommy require her to always put me first? I would obviously say YES you stupid woman!! Of course you need to always prioritise me and my many whims over Daddy. But (and this is a source of great concern), I’ve got a nagging feeling that Daddy is of another opinion.Because according to him, I am no longer a helpless baby and I apparently need to learn to wait my turn, learn to be away from Mommy and Daddy and learn that screaming will not automatically get me what I want.
I am stunned for words. Literally shell shocked.
Also, I know exactly what this means; what starts with an innocent “baby needs to wait for his food for five minutes” ends with “let’s go away for a long weekend and leave the baby with nana”. All in the name of “reconnecting as a couple” and Mommy trying to be not just a good mommy but also a good wife. This must be the biggest load of new agey mumbo jumbo since Heidi and Seal started their ridiculous yearly renewal of vows. Much good that did them by the way…