To call these terrorists animals would be insulting to nature. In fact, I’ve seen lab rats display a higher level of rational thinking and wild beast with a greater sense of compassion. In fact, I would go as far as to say that even cockroaches rank higher in terms of net positive contribution to society. After all, unpleasant as they may be, the roaches at least function as professional recyclers and a vital food source for other, more appealing species.
As for this war against terrorism in which we supposedly find ourselves, I don’t want to fill my heart with bitterness and hatred and I don’t want to change my way of living. But those words are easier to say than to live by. Because hell yes, am I pissed off at these lowlifes who think they can come to our back yard and instil fear in our neighbourhood. F*ck that and f*ck them! If you excuse my French… F*ck off you f*cking losers who were too f*cking dim to cut it over here and thus decided to join a group of fellow losers and sociopaths in a bid to shine in their twisted club of ignorants.
So you’re disappointed that life is not all what it’s made out to be? You’re bitter because although girls in nightclubs put their assets on display, you’re not able get a taste? You’re disillusioned because you think you’ll never get out of the so-called ghetto you’re in? Well cry me a river… No really, have a good bl**dy sob and then get up and get on with your life. Far more people have faced far worse hardships and still have made something out of themselves.
So yeah, whilst I’m not wasting my energy hating you goatmotherf*ckers, I do feel the need to vent and use the freedom of speech, which thanks to the grit and suffering of courageous people before me, is my birth right. Don’t like it? Well I’m sorry to hear. But guess what? I don’t care much for the founding pillars of your joke of a Caliphate either.
ISIS may think they’ve got it all figured out but good luck in convincing Europe to change its way of life. As the comedian John Oliver so eloquently put it: ‘If you are in a war of culture with France, good f***ing luck!’
This week we are all French and in a small show of solidarity, we should all enjoy a hedonistic Bordeaux to accompany our infidel duck à l’orange, followed by a platter of decadent brie, debauched camembert and secular gruyere.